LOVINO VARGAS: User Guide and Manual
by 1Julivia
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! Now you have the wonderful chance to own a LOVINO VARGAS unit in your household! Because he is a hot-head and will fly into rages like most of our units do, all he needs is coaxing in the right direction. We have organized every loop hole and tidbit into this manual for your success in utilizing this unit.


_**Hey all, I'm just going to post this up now. Germany is next and the rest of the girl manuals will be up as well shortly. Thanks! Writing style belongs to Theresa Green! Thanks. **_

* * *

**LOVINO VARGAS: User Guide and Manual**

* * *

**CONGRATULATIONS! **Now you have the wonderful chance to own a LOVINO VARGAS unit in your household! Because he is a hot-head and will fly into rages like most of our units do, all he needs is coaxing in the right direction. We have organized every loop hole and tidbit into this manual for your success in utilizing this unit.

**Technical Specifications**

Name: Lovino Vargas. Will respond to "Lovino", "Romano", "South Italy", "Sud Italia", "Romanito", and "Tomato cheeks". He will react in a tantrum to the last two.

Age: 22

Place of Manufacture: Rome, Italy

Height: 5'8"

Weight: N/A (it fluctuates with his intake of pizza or pasta)

Length: The Tower of Pisa is shorter than this.

**Your LOVINO VARGAS Unit comes with the following accessories**

One (1) khaki WWII military uniform with black shirt and tie

One (1) Pizza making kit

One (1) Newest Italian model cell phone

Three (3) moderately fresh tomatoes

**Programming**

Your LOVINO VARGAS is furnished with the following traits:

Pickpocket: Need to get your cellphone from the teacher who's taken it up? Need some spare change from someone else's pocket? Need an alias from an older person's license? Your LOVINO VARGAS unit is the ultimate thief when it comes to robbing people in the open. His _Italiano_ charm will lead all evidence away from him.

Translator: Your unit knows Italian and Spanish and will work well translating them both into English for you. The only obstacle is getting him to give a $#¡% about translating anything for you if you are male, or if he dislikes you.

Trash-talker: Your LOVINO VARGAS unit is the best when it comes to cutting down someone's confidence down a few notches. His offend-thine-ears attitude will be sure to leave all people wishing they had built-in censors. Also perfect for starting off fights with that could go viral on the Internet.

Model: Although he is 22, he has a very rebellious teenager-like charm that will instantly be a great selling point in modeling, and he's very much the looker no matter how you regard him. His legendary hesitance to offers of modeling may make him slow on the uptake, but it's so worth it once he appears on the cover of men style magazines and the income that comes with it.

Worker: Your unit used to be a slacker when he was young, and surprisingly, is not so lazy anymore. He is actually a very honest worker and will not cheat his employer out of their money. Though, he does share many oblivious traits with his younger brother so don't get him a job with anything _too_ complicated.

Gigolo: He can be flirtatious up to the point of making a job out of his allure in this occupation, he'll also might be gone for a few days at a time, he'll come back tired in the morning but with money. In fact, he has so much charisma that you might actually start _paying_ him to tone down the pheromones around you!

**Removal of your LOVINO VARGAS from packaging **

In order for you, the owner, to not possibly have a mad Southern Italian stomping through your house or offending everyone's ears for waking him up incorrectly, we've produced this list of not-so-dumb ways to wake up your feisty LOVINO VARGAS unit while still being able to enjoy his hot tsundere personality.

1. Talk loudly in your most obnoxious and stereotypical Italian accent, he will burst out and start yelling at you that he _does not_ sound like that. If you are a girl, he will blush and apologize. Reprogramming is possible. If you are a boy, distract his attention with a plate of pizza. Reprogramming is possible.

2. Cook pasta or pizza, he'll ask what's cooking, that it'd better be f***ing pasta. Once assured it is, he'll eat it happily but try to hide it. You may reprogram him will he's eating.

3. Open the lid and stroke his curl. He'll jolt upwards shaking. No FELICIANO VARGAS nearby will come to his defense, and you can reprogram him while he quietly damns you for turning him on, literally and figuratively.

**Reprogramming**

_Stubborn (default)_

_Foul-tempered_

_Flirty_

_Flipped_

_Suicidal_

_Pimp (locked)_

Your LOVINO VARGAS does come in _Stubborn_ mode by default, not being easily agreeable to a certain extent, but this can easily be replaced with any of the following modes.

He can either turn into _Foul-tempered_ mode or _Flirty_ depending if who he encounters is a boy or a girl, if a boy, he will be _Foul-tempered_, if a girl, he will initially be _Flirty_ until you give him a reason to be _Foul-tempered_ around you. It's rather hot to see him get all shivery and mad, so that's alright.

His _Flipped_ mode, like FELICIANO VARGAS is a little piece of work to be able to manipulate if done correctly. Put him in a room with the needed FELICIANO VARGAS for a week, and once they come out, you will have your LOVINO VARGAS unit talk and act like a FELICIANO VARGAS unit and vice versa. One of the other outcomes is a Flustered FELICIANO VARGAS and a Suicidal LOVINO VARGAS or a romantic relationship between the two.

_Suicidal_ is when something irritates or bothers LOVINO VARGAS enough to take his own life, you'll notice when he starts giving away his things, apologizes to ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO, FELICIANO VARGAS, and LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT for his treatment of them, and writes a suicide note addressed to you. You can snap him out of it by introducing him with a CAMILLE STEICHEN unit or by making AUGUSTUS VARGAS call more attention to him.

_Pimp_ is the final and locked mode that comes with your LOVINO VARGAS unit. This mode is every bit what it means, your unit will bring home girls every night who will leave in the early morning or attend parties and not come back until 3 a.m., prolonging his siesta, and the silence of his potty mouth. Just a note, he might also try to pick up your sister/mother/cousin/aunt. To make him leave this mode, have a normal ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO or in his _Boss_ or _Sexy_ mode hang around him to revert back to his default _Stubborn_ with a twinge of _Foul-tempered_.

**Relationships with other Units**

FELICIANO VARGAS: Though he won't openly admit it, he actually cares very much for this unit, being his older brother. They have a complex of inferiority because of the varying degrees of closeness they've both had with AUGUSTUS VARGAS, though FELICIANO VARGAS likes him very much and would love to spend more time with him as brothers. Incest can be possible if you leave them locked together in the same room for a week. Then again, this can always backfire to their _Flipped_ modes or FELICIANO VARGAS in _Flustered_ and LOVINO VARGAS in _Suicidal_.

ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO: Your unit's former charge and soccer buddy. He's more than likely to be more temperamental around this unit because of LOVINO VARGAS' nature, but that can be changed with enough time and tomatoes.

LUDWIG KALTHERZIG: LOVINO VARGAS hates this unit with a burning passion enough to burn parmesan cheese to an ashen degree. He can learn to accept him – that is, if he can finally land a punch on him and make FELICIANO VARGAS stop being at LUDWIG KALTHERZIG's side constantly.

CAMILLE STEICHEN:  Having had a crush on her in childhood, LOVINO VARGAS thinks fondly of CAMILLE STEICHEN and may compete with any ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO units for her affections, although indirectly of course.

**Cleaning**

Unlike his younger brother, he can clean himself capably and will use his favorite colorful choice words to make you realize this.

**Feeding**

Also unlike his brother, he will refuse any food that isn't Italian or properly made, however, if you tell him that a LUDWIG KALTHERZIG unit is a wonderful, grateful person who eats your cooking, he will eat it down with a vengeance to prove that he's better than that "potato son-of-a-_cazzo_". LOVINO VARGAS is also capable of cooking for himself and will try to not blush when you compliment his food.

**Rest**

He has regular siestas at noon with his brother, and he'll go to sleep when he's tired, and will wake up when he feels like it, so don't bother him unless you have a good plan for dealing with him when he wakes up. Or you can if you have a FELICIANO VARGAS or ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO Unit(s) to use as a buffer zone when he starts his rage fest.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q: Why does he cuss all the time?

A: This is normality in ordering a LOVINO VARGAS unit, the best you can do is find ways of busying him or to delete things around him that make him unhappy. Or just order the Happy Unit Gas from our online catalogue or through a Customer Service call. Try not to give it to him with any FRANCIS BONNEFOIS, ALFRED F. JONES, or a MIKKEL KOHLER unit in his _Prank_ mode near him.

Q: He's sleeping too much and now won't do anything else!

A: Stroke his curl. That usually solves the problem. Or introduce him to an ANTONIO FRERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit. Either way he will be pissed afterwards.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: My LOVINO VARGAS unit is bringing in bags of tomatoes that aren't paid for! What do I do?

Solution: This is one of the risks of owning this rather feisty unit, he most likely already went through his first three, we advise you in buying more for him or getting a Tomato unit from our online catalog or with a simple one step call to Customer Service.

Problem: Suddenly my LOVINO VARGAS is bringing home weapons and using his cellphone to call strange people coming to our house and hiding out. He dresses in black suits with red ties and wears a matching fedora, and starts smoking cigars and sleeps with a gun that came out of nowhere!

Solution: Congratulations! You've unlocked your LOVINO VARGAS' hidden _Mafia _mode! He's the leader of the nearest city mob and receives money from shady dealers for hiding places and cover. He will go about his day as if there is nothing different, but will be targeted by rival mafias in your home. If it bothers you that much, try to get him to stop, even though he's very good at hiding from the law so it's easier to pretend like nothing's changed.

**End Notes**

With enough tomatoes, ear plugs, and sensitivity to the atmosphere, we hope you find absolute joy of possessing a LOVINO VARGAS in your home. Be sure to lead children away from him for the protection of their growing vocabularies.

* * *

_**LOL. Germany will be posted shortly.** _


End file.
